pundulum | IC CONTACT

[ When Yuya arrives, Yuzu is sitting on the raised ledge of the roof, her back to the city around them; it's her wings that hang over the edge, rather than her legs. Her face is made up a little, to cover up what little color remains from the bruise of IV's slap in the week before, but the dim illumination of a winter night would likely have masked it well enough. Her hair is combed out, but not tied up, and hangs loose over her shoulders.

She sits up a little straighter as he approaches, taking the offered plate with an attempted smile in one cheek. ]

Thanks...

[Yuya returns the smile, if subdued, and absently wishes he could join her on the ledge without his masses of coils slipping off the side. As it is, he coils up across from her in a makeshift sit with a smaller plate for himself. An "itadakimasu" is thrown in, though this is more of a dessert than a meal for him with the omelette's traces of sugar. He tries not to let the silence hang for too long.]

So...?

[...But she can decide what he means. Is it "what's going on with Yusei" or simply "how's the food?"]

So... I went for a run last night, off the street so I wouldn't scare people, and I ran into him. Asked how I was doing. I...

[ She has her plate balanced on her knees, which provide heat enough to keep her food from growing cold; her fork makes slow cuts while she talks, gentle manners. She'd been hurt and angry when it all happened, furious and upset when Sawatari had pushed her into admitting what happened, but with the hours of distance and rest since then, she's calmer about it now. ]

... I didn't want to just jump into all that stuff about III and IV or that mess with being a demon on the spot like that. In the middle of a public street... he got upset. Said he didn't like hearing about me from you. Got upset about the whole god... thing.

[ It still hurts just as badly. ]

... Got really upset about the whole god thing.

[ She takes a bite of the omelette. ]

[Yuya takes bites of his own omelette as she's speaking, though his eyes drift downward as she continues. At first, he wonders if this is partly his fault, but to bring up the gods... even though it was months ago, he still remembers the face Yusei made upon hearing the news. He'd never seen him look so angry, so betrayed. Plus, he and Yusei were of the same mind when it came to Yuzu joining the gods.]

Umm... [He hesitates, fork in mouth. His shoulders slump as he finally puts it back on the plate.] Well, that's no surprise. He was really hurt when I told him.

[Blunt. He's not always the best at tact when he's feeling awkward.]

It looks like he has his own reasons for that, but... that was months ago. And this is the first time you've talked since then....

[This seems like it could have been avoided if they had faced each other earlier!!! But okay. He can figure this out, hopefully without completely taking Yusei's side. Even though this reads to his gut as ugh, exactly what Yuzu pulled with me... He's supposed to be Yuzu's best friend, after all. (He denied the kiss so he could be the friend she needs, he'd damn well better do a good job at it or he'll just have no credibility when he finally gives her his letter!) ....He totally finished his omelette while he was mulling it over. At least it was a small one, and this allows him to put the plate aside and scoot in a little closer.]

I think ... it was wrong of him to start things off on that foot. But I don't know if all of that means he's giving up on your friendship because of what you did. He's been through way worse, right?

[Actually, Yuya's certain of this. From the few things he's told them, but even more from what Yuya knows that he keeps inside. His brow furrows, decisive now.]

...It doesn't add up.

[ She mostly pushes chunks of egg around on her plate during his silence. Yuzu can usually tell when he's done talking, and when he's still trying to put his thoughts together, so she waits, putting her own words in order. ]

It's not the first time we've talked, since then... but it's the first time it's come up. Since... I mean... it's not like I didn't know his feelings about it. Yusei has been upfront about his dislike for these gods for almost as long as we've known him. I should have figured things out sooner, and I should have told you sooner... but when our fight started, I knew he'd be the person you'd talk to. ... I knew he'd be on your side. I... wanted you to have that.

[ She taps the tines of her fork against the omelette, not quite cutting into it. ]

He and I... I'd say we talked about the gods a lot, but it was more... the topic would come up, and he'd go on about what's a "good" god and a "bad" god, but I could tell it was about what happened in his past. He didn't know I was trying to make a decision back then, but it was always obvious which one he would have wanted me to make. It had nothing to do with the world we're in now.

... He's been drowning in his own guilt for so long, he doesn't remember how to do anything else.

[ It's a harsh assessment, but she doesn't say it with cruelty, or even anger. Her eyelids hang heavy over her eyes, and her countenance is still sad. She still wants to help him... she still wants him to see the future beyond this world, but...

She shakes her head. ]

But once we got into it, it was one thing after another. He accused me of doing it for favors and for power, that I was blindly trusting, and naive, like I thought everything would just be handed to me. That all I was doing was going to bring suffering, like— like existing here and killing people to survive doesn't count as causing suffering, like we don't ruin more lives than we take, like I'm the only one who's hurt anybody, he. He said I sounded just like him, that I— that I'm the one who's turned my back on people, when he, he doesn't even want to go home, he doesn't want to see his old friends again, but I'm... I'm the one who—

[ Her fork hits the plate and bounces, clattering to the ground; her omelette is cut up enough to look like scrambled eggs, shapeless mountains that break into smaller mounds as she shakes. She's cried already, but tears streak down her face, falling into her scaled, trembling hands—where they sizzle and evaporate, leaving nothing but the stains of hurt behind. ]

Edited 2016-03-15 08:08 (UTC)

[Those eggs sure didn't last very long as a comforting distraction. His cooking is not on his mom's level, is it... he'll reach under her steaming hands to move the plate off her lap, staring at the ground to avoid the sight of Yuzu crying. He's seen that far too many times for his liking, but also, he has to process this information that Yusei doesn't want to go home. He's never heard of this before.... there's a twinge of despair that comes from knowing that someone he looks up to has already given up, but right now, he can't focus on that. It's just another frustration to add to his growing pile.]

If that's true, then Yusei has serious problems to deal with. But... if you know he's talking from his past, don't you think he's trying to stop you from repeating those mistakes? And Yusei...

[He hesitates, then draws even closer, almost touching her knees with his coils. There's a smaller, guilty glisten at the corner of his eye as he looks through the steam into hers. His nose wrinkles as he forces it out.]

If he thinks you're turning your back on us, then... that must be my fault. I told him I didn't think you believed in me anymore. That you're treating me different, that you're patronizing.

[That might not be the thing she wants to hear right now... but he feels like he has to bring context into what happened if she's ever going to make up with Yusei.]

I'm sorry for that. But... I was just afraid of losing you. He must be the same, and ... Yuzu, you are too, to worry about him staying when you're trying so hard to get us out. You're the same, so... you both need to stop judging each other and have a real talk like the friends you are. If he's really dropping out on you, then I'll have to talk to him too. He should know better than that.

Edited 2016-03-24 19:01 (UTC)

[ She bites at her lip and her tongue and the heel of her palm, trying to stifle her tears back. She's already cried about this, she's already let it out—she needs to get herself together. It's with the scaled knuckle of her thumb pressing between her teeth and her breath slow through her nostrils that she forces herself to listen to Yuya. Her sharp vision is distorted by water; she blinks through tears, and forces herself to breathe.

She hates feeling like this.

There's moments, seconds, a taffy-pull stretch of silence from Yuya's last word to her first; her face is flushed, and her heart beats like a damaged clock, too loud and too hard against her ribs. She exhales. She closes her eyes.

Explanations and apologies clog her throat as thick as her tears; there's too much to say. ]

I...

[ In, and out; she forces her hands to rest on her knees. She keeps her eyes closed. She wishes, more than anything, that she could reach over for Yuya's hand, to lean against his shoulder when she still feels so close to crumbling, but her body burns too hot. What tears still escape past her lashes can't even reach her chin before they vanish into mist. She doesn't want to hurt him... ]

I'm sorry, Yuya... I never...

[ A breath, claws pressing against her kneecaps. ]

I know I've messed up a lot. I've done a lot of things wrong. You've gotten the worst of me... I never meant to be... like that. Patronizing.

[ Her eyes slit open a little; she glances at Yuya, but she can't make out his expression at all, vision blurred by wetness. ]

We're all suffering, and we don't agree about the right way to fight it, but... it's not because I don't believe in you, Yuya.

[His expression, it turns out, is a weak smile.]

...I know. That was a pretty long time ago.

[The point wasn't that he still believed those things about her. Only that he never told Yusei anything different after that, so he could have the wrong idea... but, despite how things turned out, learning that Yuzu probably had feelings for him had lessened those anxieties a little. Granted, he was never completely sure. You Show's pacifistic principles are so deeply tied to his identity that he couldn't help but feel like disregarding them was the exact same thing as disregarding him, personally. It would take constant self reminders that it wasn't, but he's tried hard to do that for the sake of repairing their relationship.]

It's good to hear, but anyway you don't have to worry about that. Okay?

... Okay.

[ It takes some of the tension out of her. It was hard enough to endure Yusei throwing their whole friendship in her face like this, but fighting with Yuya again, or losing him outright... she'd rather endure Yusei's anger a dozen times over.

Not that she really wanted to endure that in the first place, but she couldn't abide by what his fatalistic, hopeless perspective demanded.

She takes another breath, trying to blink through tears—before giving up on that, withdrawing a borrowed handkerchief to scrub the rest out of her eyes. ]

Sorry. I didn't mean to... start blubbering through it on you like that.

No, it's fair. I mean, what I admitted wasn't very nice, but... you didn't know everything I told him, so...

[Hmm. Well, that flimsy handkerchief doesn't look like it's getting burned... her heat must have gone down too, then.

That means he can finally do what he's wanted to do for a long time. Reach out, and hug her tight.]

Everything will be fine. I promise.

Yuya...

[ At touch, her heat dials down further; never quite low enough to be mistaken for a healthy human's temperature, but now it only seems like fever, rather than the billowing heat from an open oven. Her arms settle against his back, chin to his shoulder. Like always, he's cold...

She closes her eyes, relaxing. Even like that, it's still Yuya. Everything will be fine. ]

[Well, he's not a wendigo. He's only as cold as his surroundings... so after a minute of hugging, he might feel more natural, almost like his old self. Borrowing her heat is comfortable and gives him pangs of nostalgia, though he can't focus too much on that. He'll hold Yuzu as she relaxes, as long as she needs the comfort herself.]

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WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, hipponotic. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 974.51.606.44 * hipponotic has joined 974.51.606.44 <hipponotic>** This is Yuya Sakaki! (^.^)